The Wisdom of The Great One

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"The Rock is gonna beat your monkey ass, become the WWF champ, and there's two things you can do about it-- absolutely nothing, and like it."

-- The Rock challenging Triple H

"The Rock says, piss on this talk; he's gonna lay the smackdown on your candy ass!"

-- The Rock losing patience and diving in after Triple H

THE ROCK: "Are you insinuating to the Rock that, tonight, in front of the millions (pause) of Rock's fans, he should just lay down and let you beat him?"

MANKIND: "Yes."

LAWLER: "Ack! Idiot!"

MANKIND: "That sounds cool to Mankind."

THE ROCK: "Well, that may sound cool to Mankind, but something that seems a little cooler is that the Rock will take your little WWF Tag Team title belt, shine it up real nice, turn it sideways, and stick it straight up your candy ass!"

MANKIND: "I gotta be honest with you, Rock-- I don't think it's gonna fit!"

LAWLER: "I don't know about that..."

"Mankind, you talk about the Rock like we're friends! You talk about the Rock like the Rock is going to invite you down to Miami so we can have Christmas dinner! Well, the Rock says this. You may be the Rock's partner-- we're not friends, we probably never will be friends, but the Rock recognizes that you are, without a shadow of a doubt, the craziest son of a bitch the Rock has ever seen!"

"Thanks for the ride, Rock! I had a little trouble breathing in there, though."

"The Rock lets you ride in the trunk of his limousine and you're complaining?"

-- Mankind and the Rock as they arrive at the arena

MANKIND: "Rock, Rock-- what do you think of the new shirt?"

ROCK: "What does the Rock think of your new shirt? Well, the Rock likes your new shirt! It looks great on you. Better yet, do YOU like your new shirt?"

MANKIND: "I like--"

ROCK: "It doesn't MATTER if you like your shirt!" (walks off)

MANKIND: "That's the last time I fall for that one, Rock! You're not getting me again! I've got to steal that one sometime..."

"Do you have a warm, fuzzy feeling in your stomach right now? Goosebumps running up and down your spine? Well, goosebump your ass out of here."

to Lillian Garcia

"One brahma bull, two brahma bulls, three brahma bulls... you jabronis hit the jackpot! And then all of a sudden, you're jumping around like a bunch of idiots-- Undertaker, with his Mickey Mouse tattoos and his thirty-three pound head, jumping around screaming like a girl! (mimicks a high-pitched whiny scream)... Kane running around doing cartwheels, scaring everybody in the casino... (pretends to put an electronic voicebox to his throat and speaks in his retarded voice) "I won, I won, let's party!" And the biggest goof of them all, the Big Slow, sits there scaring all of the Rock's fans! (imitates the Big Show's in-ring yell) And then, the doors open and the Rock arrives..."

"You find the absolute best slot machine you can find. You can't miss it; it's got a big Brahma Bull on the front, and it says "The People's Slot Machine."

"Oh, I saw that today!"

-- The Rock to his competitors in the five-man Royal Rumble rules match, plus a comment from Lawler

"He's gonna shine all the gold coins up, turn them sumbitches sideways, and stick them straight up your candy ass!"

"Ha, what a night at the Tropicana that'll be!"

-- The Rock and Lawler

"The Rock says this: British Bulldog, you run your mouth about how you're a big dawg, about how you've got a big bark. Well, the Rock says, your bark, quite frankly, sounds like this! (yips in a good imitation of Pepper)"

"There is a jabroni running around the WWF, the Rock's home, with a sock with the Rock's face on it stuffed in his crotch! Val Venis, you think that you impress the Rock? You stuff the sock, Rocko or whatever you call it, in your pants? That is like blowing your nose on the Constitution! WIPING YOUR ASS with the American flag! The Rock says this--you think you impress the Great One? Why? Because you've made a couple of coom-see, coom-saw adult movies?! Well, the Rock says this-- tonight the Rock is going to play movie director. He's going to let you see firsthand the unedited, uncut version, of the Rock laying the smackdown on your CANDY ASS!"

MANKIND: "Hey, Rock! Word came down from the top!"

THE ROCK (on the phone): "The Rock will call you back." (turns to Mankind) "What is it you want, jabroni; you see the Rock is on the phone?"

MANKIND: "That's a nice phone. Vince wants us to team up one last time; it's important to him! He ordered me to come get you to team up one last time."

THE ROCK: "Let the Rock understand this; Vince ORDERED the Rock to team up with you, one last time; is that right?"

MANKIND: "I think what he's doing; he's doing us a favor! He's giving the Rock and Sock Connection one last chance to say goodbye to the fans before you embark on a singles career!"

THE ROCK: "First and foremost, nobody's doing the Rock any favors! The Rock doesn't need favors from anybody, Vince McMahon or especially yourself."

MANKIND: "It would be fun, though."

THE ROCK (incredulous): "It's not going to be FUN; what is wrong with you? What are you, retarded or something? Listen, the Rock says this. The only reason why he would entertain that thought, is two reasons--"

MANKIND (grinning): "You're going to do it, aren't you?"

THE ROCK: "Shut your mouth, jabroni; just listen to what the Rock says. Number one, it's Thursday night, it's SmackDown--"

MANKIND: "It's your show!"

THE ROCK: "This is the Rock's show-- the Rock doesn't need for you to tell him that-- it's the Rock's show."

MANKIND: "You're gonna do it!"

THE ROCK: "Secondly, and most importantly, if the Rock teams up with you tonight, this has to be the absolute LAST TIME you and the Rock ever get together again. No more Rock and Sock Connection, no more Rocko, no more you stealing the Rock's catch phrases, you wanting to be like the Rock; no more of that crap."

MANKIND: "I'm gonna come up with my own stuff anyway."

THE ROCK (begins to walk away): "Last night, tonight. This is it."

MANKIND: "That's it. Hey, don't you want to know who we're teaming up against?"

THE ROCK (returns): "Yeah, sure. Who ARE we teaming up against?"

MANKIND: "We've got a match against the--"

THE ROCK: "It doesn't MATTER who we're teaming up against! The Rock will lay the smackdown on any candy-ass jabronis back there in that locker room. Tonight's THE LAST night. You smell what the Rock is cooking?"

THE ROCK (off-camera): "Idiot."

MANKIND (to himself): "Titles are on the line... the Connection against the Outlaws; yeah, baby, yeah!"

THE ROCK: "Mankind, you want to come out here and challenge the Rock; run your mouth? Well, the Rock says this. Tonight, he is simply going to serve you up a piece of pie."

LAWLER: "Uh-oh... a piece of pie? Oh boy! We know what kind of pie the Rock serves!"

ROCK: "Now the Rock says, there are many types of pies..."

LAWLER (eagerly): "Yeah?" ROCK: "There's shepherd's pie..."

LAWLER: "No no no, that's not the good kind of pie!"

ROCK: "Apple pie..."

LAWLER: "No, Rock! Starts with a "P!" C'mon, you know what kind!"

(Rock forms his lips to say it)

LAWLER: "Yeah!"

ROCK: "Pumpkin pie..."

LAWLER: "NO!"

ROCK: "And the ever-so-loveable poontang pie!"

(Lawler goes nuts)

"The Rock's got a special type of pie that's better than shepherd's, apple, better than pumpkin, and believe it or not, much better than the poontang pie!"

"No way; nothing's better! Michael, come on! Well... you wouldn't know, but nothing's better than the poontang pie!"

"That pie is simply entitled... the People's Pie."

"Take a little walk down Know Your Role Boulevard, hang that right on Jabroni Drive, and then proceed to check your Aunt Jemima, no-pancake-havin' ass di-rect-ly into the Smackdown Hotel!"

to his home ec teacher

"The Rock would like to take that whistle you got, shine it up real nice, turn that sumbitch sideways, and stick it straight up your candy ass!"

to his old high school football coach

"And now, in front of all the Rock's fans, you want to serve the Rock a great big piece of that poontang pie?"

-- the Rock to his high school sweetheart; the crowd pops huge and Lawler nearly kills himself laughing--- "The Rock has just one thing to say to you... poontang your ass on out of here!"

to his old girlfriend

"To be the man... WHOOOO... you gotta beat the man..."

(Kevin Kelly flicks his eyebrows as the Rock steps away from the microphone in contemplation and the crowd pops huge)

"...that's not it."

"I am the best there is, the best there wa-- no, that's not it either."

on the ramp, with a chuckling Triple H at his side

"This is it-- ooooohh yeeeah, dig it!"

with appropriate Randy Savage grunts added

"The Rock says, know your role, and SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"

"One... two... it doesn't MATTER if the Rock counts to three!"

(as guest referee) to the British Bulldog

"Big Show, you come on down!" (lifts his hands in the air and makes retarded-sounding screams in imitation of the Big Show) "Undertaker..." (takes his sunglasses off and tosses them aside) "You come on down!" (rolls his eyes up in his head and finishes his imitation of the Undertaked by moaning the following:) "DIE DIE DIE!"

"Oh, dear God... my name's Billy! And I just won King of the Ring! But there's one problem-- everbody still thinks that I absolutely SUCK!"

(imitating Billy Gunn)

"What? You're going to Summer Slam? What are you going as? What? Someone need their car parked outside the building?"

The Rock to Booker T. when Booker T. challenged The Rock to a championship match at Summer Slam

"As long as the Rock still has his palatial palace down on the South Beach in Miami, Florida, he really couldn't give a damn whether they live in a Frigadaire box, or a Kenmore box, just as long as those homeless pieces of trash keep their cardboard homes off of the Rock's freshly mowed grass, everything will be copastetic."

"I would rather be the people's ass then kiss yours."

"Here's hoping that fat piece of trash and his Jabroni reindeer know their damn roles, and leave a present under the people's tree."

"I'll wreck the Spanish announce table, the German announce table, the French, the Ho Chi Minh, the Chinese table, all the damn languages till I get your monkey ass to say I quit."

"Do you smell...No, this ain't a sing along. The Rock says it by himself, if ya smell what the Rock is cookin'."

"Hey you tubbies, can't we make a deal? I got some nice donuts in the back with your name on 'em! You oink oinks!"

"Triple H, you said the Rock comes out here every week and does a comedy segment. Well, at Over the Edge, we'll see how HA HA and HEE HEE it is when the Rock puts his foot right up your candy ass!"

"The Rock lives and dies for two reasons. The first is to electrify his millions and millions of fans, and the second reason, Steven, is to be kicking your monkey ass all over God's green earth!"

"If you put Kane's brain in a bird, it will fly backwards."

"Whether you like it, whether this piece of trash likes it, whether this big fat female pig likes it, the fact of the matter is this. There is nothing, and the Rock means nothing, thaat could ever compare to being the people's champ."

"Do you like Pancakes? Where you from? Well then, Pancake your ass back to Chicago!"